Archives for posts with tag: humor

Happy July 3rd Y’all! It’s a rainy Wednesday & I’m stuck inside…

So, first things first: if I don’t get better at keeping up this blog, y’all are never going to share it with your friends, it will never go viral, Martha Stewart will never ask me to contribute to her website & Oprah will never include it on her list of Favorite Things. Exaggerated Sigh.

But, y’all don’t despair. There has been plenty going on around the Romain Way Estate! Domestic bliss has returned & with it, projects have restarted. Before we got started on anything, I made a mental list that I was careful not to share with anyone, including Randy, my loyal laborer, for risk of frightening him off. Y’all know how I love a good list (otherwise I’d just move on to the next shiny thing…shiny things…that would be a good blog topic…hmmm….). Before I venture too far, here is the list of things to complete:

    1. Paint kitchen cabinets Sherwin Williams Pure White High Gloss & add hardware, preferably black
    2. Order & install super cool modern swag task lighting from IndLights on Etsy over the island in the kitchen.
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      Option No. 1. I’d change the cord color to either black or red.

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      Option No. 2. I think either will give the kitchen a cool, modern element to offset the more traditional raised panel cabinets. And, by using swag lighting (and meticulously cable-managed cords), I can save the expense of an electrician for another project).

    3. Add storage to the kitchen: We’ve considered a variety of options to fix this issue, but haven’t landed on one yet. The reality in many cottage-style homes from the 1940’s is that kitchens we’re fancy; they were utilitarian. All the way. Which I don’t mind. I love to cook & have found that, generally, the fancier & prettier the kitchen one has, the less likely they are to cook in it. It’s a very odd thing to me. Our kitchen is one that didn’t include a specific home for the fridge. When we moved in, we placed it on a wall with an adjacent plug, only to discover that it overloaded the circuit. So, it got moved. I kinda like this concept. To borrow from Thom Filicia, it makes the kitchen feel like a room that just happened to become a kitchen. We’ve considered installing cabinetry, shelving, etc. and have wavered back & forth on the benefits of both. I lean toward something like this (clever use of Cost-Co shelving. This guy’s aesthetic is brilliant. You can see Eric’s home tour at Eric’s Stylish, Sunshine-Filled House House Tour | Apartment Therapy):51bdb0e0d9127e2600002a2d._w.1000._h.1000._s.fit
    4. Repaint the guest room & study, currently dark green & brown, respectively. We’ve decided on something dark, warm & moody. After all, if the bedroom doesn’t feel like a cave, what’s the point? Maybe this…black of night – Sherwin-Williams (By the way, it would be super helpful if the website would cooperate by letting me download images instead of having to imbed links…I’m talking to you, SW Web Masters.).
    5. Finish painting the exterior. Thanks to the efforts of my loyal laborer, the majority of the painting has been completed. Stay tuned for a post later about the process. But, I will tempt you with this, our exterior color palette: Sherwin Williams Inkwell (body), Ethereal White (trim) and Chinese Red (door).
    6. Remove the railings from the deck & the front porch. Our deck isn’t that high off of the ground & eventually will probably be removed & replaced with a gravel-filled parking area (and a free-standing pergola built in the grassy & sunny area of the backyard). So, the carpenter bees that have decided to devour the railings can suck it. They’re getting evicted. For now, we’ll paint it with Deck Restore & pray that it lasts another a year or two. The front porch will be reworked without railings but with new steps (painted white) that wrap around all three sides to open it up & make it look larger. I’m channeling something like this, but on a different scale. (God love Houzz).
    7. Last, but not least, landscaping. I have research to do & some hard work ahead of me. I also know that this project will extend well into next year. Someone that lived here used to love this yard, evidenced by the border-grass wrapped flower beds, irises in the back yard & the heritage azalea. The reality is that the garden hasn’t been tended for years, one neighbor’s oaks are killing my lawn & overshadowing half of the front yard & the backyard is full of poison ivy that I am HIGHLY allergic to. Like, being near it makes me break out. But, I gives me an excuse to channel an urban farmer look with light-weight long-sleeve plaid shirts & J Crew Wellies.

This sounds like a lot to do. But, the reality is, that I’m enjoying updating & renovating this little house & am becoming more & more proud of the hard work we’re doing. It’s not easy but I love the idea that, thanks to the 1940s workmanship & our determination, we have the opportunity to both preserve a little piece of history & leave our modern mark on it. As corny as it sounds, one of the most gratifying things about all of this work is that we are part of the history of this home. And, y’all never know, someday maybe we’ll be remembered for that. Or for being neurotic list-makers. It’s a all a toss of the dice.

It’s been two weeks since your Dandy last updated you on the goings-on in his head.  I knew things were getting bad when the paparazzi stopped blinding me with their flashes & screaming questions like, “Is it true that you’re romantically involved with James Franco?!” as I tried to dart into Trader Joe’s for a value-sized chunk of brie & crackers.  Ok, not crackers…those almonds that are dipped in dark chocolate & rolled in turbinado sugar & sea salt.  Don’t judge me.  If you’ve ever had them, you realize perfectly well what I’m talking about.  At $3.99 a pop, I could easily deplete my 401K by buying them in bulk (pallets).

Again, I digress.  I’m sorry that I’ve been absent for so long & that you have had to suffer through the cancellation of Smash sans my southern comfort.  Or, Southern Comfort. Life is funny sometimes.  It can throw you curve balls that, as a former fat kid, have no way to prepare for, so you just stand in front of them.  Your Dandy is not immune.  I tell you this to (a) explain my absence and (b) get to the point of this installment before you move on to the next Lady Gaga cover on YouTube.  When these types of things happen to me, I process my feelings as any good Dandy would:

  1. I eat my feelings.  They are delicious; they taste like almonds dipped in dark chocolate & rolled in raw sugar & sea salt.
  2. I watch a LOT of Charmed on Netflix.  I have always felt that I was the Piper in my coven.  Ok, not so much a coven as a loosely-connected group of queens that I can count on for martinis & karaoke.  You know who you are.  (Side note: I would really like to be able to blow things up with my hands.  But, I suppose I’ll have to settle for throwing things instead.)
  3. I shop online for a sports car.  I waiver between a 350Z & a Boxster.  Then, I talk myself out of it, after considering the amount of money I have spent on almonds.  One has to be practical.
  4. I channel all of my thoughts in the most productive way possible: by obsessing about my lack of control in hurtful situations.  Or over The Situation.  And focus on what I can control.  Then shit gets really real.  And I start planning projects for the house.
  5. With my OCD raging at this point, I obsess over seemingly minor details that wouldn’t bother most people.  I fixate on things like the medicine cabinet being messy.  Who cares?  Your Dandy does.  It’s not Martha-Effing-Stewart organized, so I end up turning off Charmed at 2AM when I’m already exhausted & get to work.  By 3AM, the medicine cabinet has been re-organized & three other small projects have been accomplished.

So, here is what I have learned in the process (and what almost led to be call this post “OCD & Me”): that I can leverage this (hopefully) mild hang-up to my advantage.  Let’s be serious, I’m not having to count how many times I flip on & off a lightswitch or obsessively washing my hands until they bleed.  For me, this manifests as a need to organize & clean.  Great! I can finally make headway on projects that I have put off, like finishing painting in the kitchen, reorganizing medicine cabinets, linen closets, closets & dresser drawers.  I can make this house the home I have envisioned (I even considered chanting for the dream house, as Edina Monsoon teaches, but I have such a problem with our society’s extreme tolerance of yoga pants as casual wear, that I decided it would drive me too crazy).

Finally, here is my point: embrace your quirks.  They make you special & beautiful.  Where this journey will take me or what I will learn from it, I have no idea.  But, I’m open to it.  And, by the end of it, I will have a home that would make Martha Stewart jealous.  If she were open to buying homes in transitional neighborhoods…

Some of my latest obsessions:

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It was incredibly important that night that the products be rearranged & faced out…

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It was also of paramount concern that shelves be adjusted for uniformity & that the MOP Mixed Greens shampoo I bought online be easily accessible…

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The Herman Miller chair got moved to the bedroom. It belongs here…

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I had to hit up the new TJ Maxx in Midtown for new pillows & West Elm for a throw to protect the sofa since the dogs can’t seem to stay off of it. I think I understand what parents feel like when they reach their threshold & decide to send their disobedient children to military school. (Please pay special attention to how this throw echoes the color palette of the white walls & black Nate Berkus curtains. That was, of course, no accident).

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I had to find a use for this crate. So,now it stores towels that I totally realize the kittens will probably just sleep on.

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The silver tray on top of the dresser had to be reorganized to provide a landing zone for the things that random homes, like the shoehorn that I think is so cool (but never use), the mercury glass candle holder, the glass milk jug that I keep change in & the glass rooster that I picked up in Key West.

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A closeup for your viewing pleasure…

I once heard the phrase, “she’s so OCD that she can pick fly shit out of pepper”.  Y’all stay tuned to see if I spiral down that path.  It’s bound to make for good blogging.